Sex Habits

“Darling, you always order the same food when we go out: same apetizer, meat as a main, never a side dish, and you always have vanilla ice cream as dessert…”

You have probably heard this kind of comment in your life, but have you ever thought the same sentence could apply to your sex habits?

The menu metaphor is suitable to describe the sexual act: maybe you are having an aperitif, you feel hungry and decide to go for dinner, on the menu, there are starters, main courses, sides, desserts, maybe drinks, coffee, etc. … Now let’s be honest, usually, many of us tend to order the same or almost the same kind of food. It is known, we know we like it, we think it will satisfy us… but will it always?

Around adulthood, our sexual habits tend to become pretty much established. This phenomenon is normal and manifests strongly in monogamous long-term relationships.

Inevitably, we bring our habits into a relationship; sometimes they work together with the partner’s habits, sometimes they don’t work, or they no longer work. 

This last one is an important point: we become fossilized on certain habits because what is known is usually also comfortable, forgetting that, as human beings (especially in a relationship), we continuously change; hence, our needs and preferences change too.

Mapping and rediscussing sex habits require dialogue and will for a change. 

The requirement that sex should work naturally, now and in the future, prevents any chance of change and, therefore, the possibility of more enjoyable sexual experiences.

Here are some questions to help you think about your sexual habits:

How do you/your partner(s) initiate sex?

When? Where?

What exactly happens when initiating and then going through the act?

Is there something you could change? 

Could you include playful talk as an aperitif, text messages/ post-its /dirty talk?

What could you change about/add to sex?

The change can be, for example, a different place, preliminaries, approaches, underwear, sensation-games, roleplay, your attitude, tools (toys?), adding or excluding penetrative sex, or again oral sex, hands job, the use of lubricants, candles, etc. … So to say: appetizers, main courses, sides, desserts and more!

Going back to our food metaphor, if we look at sex as a menu, we can consider everything on it, but we don’t need to pick every item. Also, we don’t need to discuss each point, or again we could wish for more choices according to our needs and preferences.

Change and anticipation create excitement that ignites desire.